STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #36

Don’t do weddings.  There is nothing in Scripture that compels you to do so. A civil servant can officiate a wedding. I always shock people when they ask me to do their ceremony, as I respond, “I don’t do weddings.”  There is usually an awkward silence. Then I add, “But, if you would like to have a Christian home, then I would be happy to talk to you about that!”

God has placed us in the church and in our community to help establish Christian homes. The premarital counseling and the ceremony can be foundational to that end. There is an initial form sent out that will direct the first session.  I require four sessions. There have been times that the initial meeting becomes an evangelistic one.  I have been thrilled to see some come to faith in Christ in this process. 

The wedding is not the end, but the beginning. After the “I do’s” are said, there are a lot of “I do’s” to be done. Plugging the couple into a Bible study class and/or marriage mentoring group is so helpful. Find some solid saints with healthy homes who can work with the newlyweds. 

The local church will only be as strong as the families that comprise the membership. This makes a pastor’s role in this process crucial. Take it seriously.

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #35

When a death comes to the church family—be there. The ministry of your presence is one of the chief means of comforting them. In the early days of my ministry, I thought I was there to say a lot of things—pious phrases and religious cliches—to defend God for why this tragedy had occurred. I quickly learned that God did not need defending and that I did not have all the answers.. Even more, their broken hearts were not ready to process theological truths. There were questions for which I did not have all the answers. I believe that God is omniscient, but I am not. A hug, a prayer, reading the Scripture, planning the funeral, mingling my tears with theirs. That is what people needed from me that I could give them. Job’s friends sat with him in silence after he experienced heartbreak after heartbreak. Then they began to talk and that is when they became “miserable comforters,” (Job 16:2).

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #34

I first heard John Maxwell say, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”Everything is built upon relationships. Church is about people. Get out of the office and get into the field. Seek the lost sheep. Reclaim the straying ones. Lift up the weak ones. Visit the widows, the homebound, the sick, and the grieving. Touch the untouchable.  Wash some dirty feet. Then, you will be like Jesus!

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #33

Play to your strengths and staff for your weaknesses. 

What kind of football team do you think you would have where your quarterback was shifted to the offensive line, your lineman was placed at quarterback, and your punter at running back?  A losing team!  Yet, we often try to line up as pastors at positions for which we are not suited. Now, we can try to learn and grow in those skills where we are maybe a 2 on a 10 point competency scale. We might after time and much effort get to a 4 or even a 5. If your goal is mediocrity, go for it!  But, would it not be better to focus on areas where we are in the 7-8 range and seek to move those to 9 or 10?

Yet, those areas of weakness may well be essential areas of ministry.  Do not neglect them. Recruit some players for your team who have those strengths. It may be vocational staff or it could be lay persons capable of doing those tasks. We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. A winning team plays to their strengths and is constantly searching for new players who can be added in other areas. 

Pastor, you are the quarterback, make sure the whole team knows the play, follows your direction, and advances the ball down the field together!

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #32

If you have those in your church who have owned a business or worked as educators, use them in ministry. You will find they have often developed skills that translate into effective leadership in the church. They may have more flexible schedules.  Sometimes these retire early and yet are healthy and vital enough to want to do more than just sit on a lake and fish or watch the grandchildren.  While it is true that the church is not a business, there are still leadership abilities that translate into effective spiritual service. Now, these need to be growing spiritually, but that is your job in discipling them. On the job training is how Jesus did that. Such men and women have been a blessing to me and the churches I have pastored across the years. We have had staff members in finances and building and grounds who worked for no compensation—just eternal reward and the joy of serving Jesus.  You cannot beat that!  Ask them to pray about a strategic role, give them a copy of John Piper’s book, “Don’t Waste Your Life,” and see what God will do!

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #31

Don’t do ministry alone. 

As often as possible have interns and apprentices with you, even if you cannot afford staff. A plurality of elders is not only theologically sound, it is practically helpful!  You do not have to be a “large” church, to mentor young men in ministry. Start with one.  Offer Bible college students the practical benefits of growing and resume building, even if you cannot afford to pay them anything but expenses.

It has been said that you need three types of people in your pastoral work: a Paul to mentor you and hold you accountable; a Silas to befriend you and keep you encouraged; a Timothy to mentor and hold him accountable.  Who are these people in your life?  You cannot be a Lone Ranger—and even he had Tonto!

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #30

Look for staff members that meet these four qualifications:

1) CHARACTER—This is foundational. No matter how good they are at their job, if they are not good in their soul—then, they are not qualified to serve the Lord and share the ministry. You can stop immediately, if you cannot check this box.

2) CONVICTIONS—This is akin to the first. There are to be a set of doctrines they believe and a lifestyle integrated with those.  There may be some minor disagreement out on a few peripheral matters, but not much.  The congregation must hear a consistent message from the staff. You can disagree on the millennium and both still go to heaven, but I wouldn’t want someone on the staff who is not eschatologically equivalent, for instance.  Do you perform marriages for those who have been married before? If one pastor does and another will not, this is potential conflict.  Does one have a conviction that total abstinence from alcohol is wise and the other does not have that belief—well, you see how this can be trouble.

3) COMPETENCE—Someone may be a good person and still not have the capacity to do what is required. They are being hired for a task. Can they grow into it?  Well, they should always be growing.  But, the question is: do they have the capability for such growth, how much growth is required, and do I have time to develop them. Maybe they are a diamond in the rough. Or perhaps they are a lump of coal that would take too long to become a diamond—if ever.

4) CHEMISTRY—Too often overlooked. You can check the first three boxes and if the chemistry is poor then they are a poor fit. This doesn’t mean you want a clone of yourself. Differences can be “iron sharpening iron.”  But, if you have trouble with their basic personality, remember that is not likely to change. Will this person be a joy to work with or a burden to avoid. They may be a round peg fitting into a square hole!

If you can check off these four boxes, then you have found a recruit for building a championship team!