RELATIONSHIP RULES

 

The church is all about relationships—our love relationship with our Father that establishes our love relationship with the family. The ministry of the church will progress or regress according to the quality of the relationships. Paul gives to Timothy and to us relationship rules in chapter 5. The key verse says, “In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality,” (v. ‭21‬‬). 

Rule #1 concerns HOW THE PASTORS RELATE TO MEMBERS, (v. 1-2).  The church is the family of God, and properly relating to each other is demanded. Pastors are to set the tone. 

Older men are to be encouraged as fathers. Timothy is told not to rebuke them. There is a high level of respect that is due them. The wisdom gained through the years by older men can be very helpful to a young pastor willing to listen. 

Younger men are to be viewed as brothers. A young pastor like Timothy is not to see them as rivals, but as peers. We should work alongside each other and support one another. 

Older women are to be honored as mothers. There is a tendency for some young men in ministry to be brash and think that time has passed the older generation by. A young pastor will find that these older godly women have powerful prayers and a measure of compassion that we desperately need.

Younger women are to be treated as sisters. The need for “purity,” is stressed by Paul. Many a preacher has disqualified himself for ministry by sexual sin with young women in the church. We are not to see them as sensual objects, but as spiritual sisters. 

Rule #2 involves HOW THE CHURCH RELATES TO WIDOWS, (v. 3-16). Pastors must lead the church to care for widows. These have the special attention of God’s affection and woe to the church that neglects them!  James said that the essence of pure religion is to care for widows, (James 1:27). While it is the responsibility of family members to care for them first—the church ministers to those without family to help them, (v. 4, 8, 16). 

These widows are qualified for church support because of their godly character, (v. 3-8). They also were designated for care due to their biological age—above 60, (v. 9). Then, they must have “a reputation for good works,” (v. 10). 

Younger widows were to remarry, (v. 11-15). The sexual desire in a younger widow would tend to lead to immoral behavior, unless properly fulfilled in marriage. They are still of child-bearing age, and their potential for Kingdom impact through producing godly offspring is vital for the church’s flourishing.

Rule #3 instructs HOW THE MEMBERS ARE TO RELATE TO ELDERS, (v. 17-25). How a church treats its pastors will be crucial in whether God blesses the church. 

There is a word about compensation for the elders, (v. 17-18).  You cannot pay a preacher for what he’s worth—no way you could afford him!  He deals with eternal souls. How much value would you assign to those?  Instead of paying him for a job, we enable him to do his job. By adequate compensation, he is freed to concentrate on his task, knowing the needs of his family are supplied. Double honor is due those pastors who do well. But, what about those who do not?

There is a process for charges against an elder, (v. 19-20). If an elder does not do his duty and compromises his integrity, he is to be confronted. But, it must be done through the process God has established. It requires specificity of the charges and multiplicity of the witnesses. Someone always has an axe to grind. No preacher is immune from accusations and the Devil will raise up false witnesses to divide a church and destroy a ministry. So, this is not to be a private, “whisper campaign.”  It is to be a public rebuke when required. 

There is a demand for character in the elders, (v. 21-25). How a church relates to God’s man is done in light of God’s scrutiny, (v. 21) and is to be done without prejudging or partiality. The God who will judge angels will judge churches and elders someday, so we are to judge righteously. 

One of the reasons  men fail in ministry is that they have been prematurely selected for service, (v. 22). A pastoral candidate must be thoroughly vetted. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Timothy, as a pastor, would help lead the church in ordaining men to ministry. He is to be thorough and unyielding in Scriptural standards for the elders, (cf. 1 Tim. 3:1-7). 

Self-control is important for an elder, but Timothy may have been excessive in his own life, (v. 23). He was so scrupulous that he would not drink a drop of wine, yet the unclean water he was consuming was making him sick and hindering his ability to serve. To mix in some wine would purify the water while not making intoxication likely. Before a contemporary pastor embraces this as an excuse to have a beer, glass of wine, or shot of whiskey, understand that obtaining clean water is not typically an issue in our culture. So, have a glass of sweet tea instead!  Should you be in a place where the water is tainted—then Paul’s counsel is wise, so “Don’t get your bowels in an uproar!”

Ultimately, God will judge the elders—either now or in eternity, (v. 24). He will reward us for good works now, or later, (v. 25). What a difference it makes when the elders realize God is watching!  It checks us before we yield to temptation and encourages to serve Him when no one else takes note.

THE FARMER AND HIS FIELD

 

Perhaps the most common metaphor to describe the pastor’s role is that of the shepherd and his flock. In fact, that is the meaning behind the word, “pastor.”  Yet, there are others, and if not as frequently mentioned, no less significant. One of these would be the farmer and his field.  Jesus spoke often of those sowing the seeds of the Gospel and reaping the harvest that was grown.  Paul’s commendation of Timothy’s labor for the Lord in 1 Thessalonians 3:2 will illustrate this principle.

We examine first THE CONNECTION IN THE HARVEST. Paul calls Timothy, “our brother.”  It is a family farm. Our Father God is the Lord of the Harvest, and we who are His children are employed not first because of our farming capability but our family connection. Our labor is a labor of love. 

There is a connection with our Father. In the secular world, there are gifted communicators, skilled counselors, and effective leaders, yet having these abilities does not in itself qualify one for work in the Lord’s field. That takes a new birth and spiritual gifting—the anointing of the Holy Spirit which enables us to speak, lead, and counsel the saints.  We do not function as a hired hand, but a loving son. That relationship will sustain us when the field is hard and the fruit is scant.

There is also a connection with our family. Our love is for the Lord with all our being—the Great Commandment—but is also love for our brothers—the second commandment, like unto the first. The pastor is to love the people. It is not foremost about projects to finish but people to further.  Never forget that within the family, there are brothers and sisters who also have gifts, and our ministry is most effective when we equip them in their ministry. Recall also the extended family—that there are fellow pastors who are serving in the same harvest—for the field is the world. We are not in competition with our brother in a nearby acre, but in connection working alongside him. Our joy and not our jealousy is called for when their crops appear more lush; our encouragement and assistance are required when their corner is withering and weed infested.

Paul also speaks to Timothy of THE CALLING TO THE HARVEST. He calls him a “minister of God.”  We are reminded that the field is the Lord’s. He owns it—not us. It is His church and not ours. He treasures His church and we should view our labor as a sacred calling to fulfill.

This speaks of our Master. We are foremost serving the Lord. Whatever His assignment for this day—wherever field He would send us—our work is for God. He is God and we are not. He is the Lord of the Harvest and determines our duty. In His sovereignty He calls us to specific places for set periods for select purposes. Frankly, there will be seasons of productivity when the ministry is rewarding, but there may also be seasons of paucity when the ministry is discouraging.  That is not our call. Faithfulness is our work and fruitfulness is God’s.

It also speaks of our manner. To be a minister is to serve God by serving others. We are not to pursue vanity in wanting the people to serve us, but we are to display humility by stooping to serve them. No work is too menial and no task too trivial, if we are serving our members. The Lord of Glory set the standard with taking a basin and towel, washing feet!

Then, the Apostle points to THE COMMITMENT TO THE HARVEST.  This is indicated by Paul’s reference to the young pastor as, “our fellow laborer in the gospel of Christ.”  It takes commitment because farming requires toil and time. You do not just wander into a field, dump out a bag of seed and expect a harvest the next day. It takes toil. This is labor. There is no room for laziness in the ministry!  It is work where you sweat and get dirt under the fingernails of calloused hands. It takes time. Farming is continual business. After a harvest is gathered, it is time to till up the soil and get it prepared for the next season of growth. There is no occasion for impatience in the ministry! You cannot tug on a tender plant to expect it to grow more quickly or burn it up with excessive fertilizer. All you will do is kill it.

We must be committed to plowing and planting. Paul sent Timothy to the church “to establish [them].”  The Word of God is used to plow up the fallow ground. The sharp spade of Scripture will often meet a hard, resistant soil.  What are we to do?  Keep plowing!  Yet that is not sufficient, for we must also take Gospel seed and plant it. There is power in the Seed of Scripture. It contains life.  In it is latent a great harvest. Do not pursue the carnal and the novel in an effort to get a crowd—it may be just a quick, abundant crop of weeds!  Keep plowing and planting by preaching the Word, publicly and privately, in faith that the Lord of the Harvest will enable you to reap wheat in due season, if you do not faint.

We are further committed to watering and weeding. Timothy is also instructed “to encourage [them].”  Gospel work is ongoing. The cultivating of the crop is needed to sustain growth. In a fallen world, there will be times of spiritual drought and yet God has sent us to irrigate the tender plants with the water of the Word.  Because of the curse there will always be the need to pull weeds—taking great care not to uproot plants. Be on the watch for Satan to sow weeds among the wheat.  The consistently expounded truth will weed out carnality. They will get in or get out!

Then, in accordance with God’s purpose, there will be gathering and garnering. All the hardships of labor under the sun are quickly forgotten in the harvest of souls. Different fields produce different yields. Not every place will produce a bumper crop, but there will be some fruit.  The rigor is for us to bear and the results are for God to bring. Whatever He gives we garner to conserve. It is placed in the granary not only for the present use, but as future seed for many more harvests to come.  Paul’s labor produced a young plant named Timothy. Timothy would then produce others, and on down to us. Long after we are gone, the harvest we have gathered will still be yielding crops and producing more seed until the final harvest is gathered at the end of time! 

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #34

I first heard John Maxwell say, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”Everything is built upon relationships. Church is about people. Get out of the office and get into the field. Seek the lost sheep. Reclaim the straying ones. Lift up the weak ones. Visit the widows, the homebound, the sick, and the grieving. Touch the untouchable.  Wash some dirty feet. Then, you will be like Jesus!

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #29

Have fun with your staff. Work hard and play hard as fellow pastors. Pray together; cry and laugh together. Model loyalty and expect it. Disagreements will happen.  The Bible says that, “iron sharpens iron.”  This produces sparks!  Let that make you into a sharper sword for God to wield. That is to be a private work, however. When the staff is in public the disagreements are left behind closed doors and when the final decision is made—there is a united front presented to the congregation.

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #18

People will leave your congregation. They will die.  They will move.  They will get mad.  They will have personal problems they do not want to confront. They will find a shinier new toy down the road—better preacher, bigger ministries, etc. Ours is a consumer culture and that has infected the church. Get over it. You can’t lead people if you need people. Everybody ain’t gonna like you. Suck it up, buttercup! 

Now, if you have abused them, neglected them, or in some other sinful way failed them, repent and seek reconciliation!  Since pastors are not perfect, and people we pastor are not perfect, then the formula for interpersonal issues is ever present. Yet, many are unwilling to admit there are issues and try to resolve them. Pastor, lead the way, but recognize that some will not want to deal with this messy business. They will move on.  Bless them, and you move ahead without them!

Certainly we grieve for every sheep that strays from the flock and must do what we can to seek them. But, after repeated efforts, understand that some are not sheep—they are goats.  Jesus was the only perfect leader, and He even had to let one of his twelve disciples walk away.  For, the rest of us, it will happen with more frequency. You will grieve, but the mission is greater than a particular member—so, take up the cross and follow Jesus.

At the end of the Apostle Paul’s ministry, most seemed to have abandoned him. It hurt—and it will hurt you. Do you think he was a failure?  It is a ludicrous suggestion. It is life in a fallen world—and that is the spot where we serve. Paradise is coming, but we are not there yet.  So, don’t sit in a corner, and sulk. Stop your whining and get busy doing what you can!

The great Jonathan Edwards was used of God to bring spiritual awakening and thereby contributed in a significant way to the birth of America. His sermon, “Sinners In the Hands of an Angry God,” is renowned, centuries later. His congregation fired him!  Ultimately, we serve the Lord Christ, and we can leave the rewards and recognition to Him.