RELATIONSHIP RULES

 

The church is all about relationships—our love relationship with our Father that establishes our love relationship with the family. The ministry of the church will progress or regress according to the quality of the relationships. Paul gives to Timothy and to us relationship rules in chapter 5. The key verse says, “In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality,” (v. ‭21‬‬). 

Rule #1 concerns HOW THE PASTORS RELATE TO MEMBERS, (v. 1-2).  The church is the family of God, and properly relating to each other is demanded. Pastors are to set the tone. 

Older men are to be encouraged as fathers. Timothy is told not to rebuke them. There is a high level of respect that is due them. The wisdom gained through the years by older men can be very helpful to a young pastor willing to listen. 

Younger men are to be viewed as brothers. A young pastor like Timothy is not to see them as rivals, but as peers. We should work alongside each other and support one another. 

Older women are to be honored as mothers. There is a tendency for some young men in ministry to be brash and think that time has passed the older generation by. A young pastor will find that these older godly women have powerful prayers and a measure of compassion that we desperately need.

Younger women are to be treated as sisters. The need for “purity,” is stressed by Paul. Many a preacher has disqualified himself for ministry by sexual sin with young women in the church. We are not to see them as sensual objects, but as spiritual sisters. 

Rule #2 involves HOW THE CHURCH RELATES TO WIDOWS, (v. 3-16). Pastors must lead the church to care for widows. These have the special attention of God’s affection and woe to the church that neglects them!  James said that the essence of pure religion is to care for widows, (James 1:27). While it is the responsibility of family members to care for them first—the church ministers to those without family to help them, (v. 4, 8, 16). 

These widows are qualified for church support because of their godly character, (v. 3-8). They also were designated for care due to their biological age—above 60, (v. 9). Then, they must have “a reputation for good works,” (v. 10). 

Younger widows were to remarry, (v. 11-15). The sexual desire in a younger widow would tend to lead to immoral behavior, unless properly fulfilled in marriage. They are still of child-bearing age, and their potential for Kingdom impact through producing godly offspring is vital for the church’s flourishing.

Rule #3 instructs HOW THE MEMBERS ARE TO RELATE TO ELDERS, (v. 17-25). How a church treats its pastors will be crucial in whether God blesses the church. 

There is a word about compensation for the elders, (v. 17-18).  You cannot pay a preacher for what he’s worth—no way you could afford him!  He deals with eternal souls. How much value would you assign to those?  Instead of paying him for a job, we enable him to do his job. By adequate compensation, he is freed to concentrate on his task, knowing the needs of his family are supplied. Double honor is due those pastors who do well. But, what about those who do not?

There is a process for charges against an elder, (v. 19-20). If an elder does not do his duty and compromises his integrity, he is to be confronted. But, it must be done through the process God has established. It requires specificity of the charges and multiplicity of the witnesses. Someone always has an axe to grind. No preacher is immune from accusations and the Devil will raise up false witnesses to divide a church and destroy a ministry. So, this is not to be a private, “whisper campaign.”  It is to be a public rebuke when required. 

There is a demand for character in the elders, (v. 21-25). How a church relates to God’s man is done in light of God’s scrutiny, (v. 21) and is to be done without prejudging or partiality. The God who will judge angels will judge churches and elders someday, so we are to judge righteously. 

One of the reasons  men fail in ministry is that they have been prematurely selected for service, (v. 22). A pastoral candidate must be thoroughly vetted. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Timothy, as a pastor, would help lead the church in ordaining men to ministry. He is to be thorough and unyielding in Scriptural standards for the elders, (cf. 1 Tim. 3:1-7). 

Self-control is important for an elder, but Timothy may have been excessive in his own life, (v. 23). He was so scrupulous that he would not drink a drop of wine, yet the unclean water he was consuming was making him sick and hindering his ability to serve. To mix in some wine would purify the water while not making intoxication likely. Before a contemporary pastor embraces this as an excuse to have a beer, glass of wine, or shot of whiskey, understand that obtaining clean water is not typically an issue in our culture. So, have a glass of sweet tea instead!  Should you be in a place where the water is tainted—then Paul’s counsel is wise, so “Don’t get your bowels in an uproar!”

Ultimately, God will judge the elders—either now or in eternity, (v. 24). He will reward us for good works now, or later, (v. 25). What a difference it makes when the elders realize God is watching!  It checks us before we yield to temptation and encourages to serve Him when no one else takes note.