RELATIONSHIP RULES

 

The church is all about relationships—our love relationship with our Father that establishes our love relationship with the family. The ministry of the church will progress or regress according to the quality of the relationships. Paul gives to Timothy and to us relationship rules in chapter 5. The key verse says, “In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality,” (v. ‭21‬‬). 

Rule #1 concerns HOW THE PASTORS RELATE TO MEMBERS, (v. 1-2).  The church is the family of God, and properly relating to each other is demanded. Pastors are to set the tone. 

Older men are to be encouraged as fathers. Timothy is told not to rebuke them. There is a high level of respect that is due them. The wisdom gained through the years by older men can be very helpful to a young pastor willing to listen. 

Younger men are to be viewed as brothers. A young pastor like Timothy is not to see them as rivals, but as peers. We should work alongside each other and support one another. 

Older women are to be honored as mothers. There is a tendency for some young men in ministry to be brash and think that time has passed the older generation by. A young pastor will find that these older godly women have powerful prayers and a measure of compassion that we desperately need.

Younger women are to be treated as sisters. The need for “purity,” is stressed by Paul. Many a preacher has disqualified himself for ministry by sexual sin with young women in the church. We are not to see them as sensual objects, but as spiritual sisters. 

Rule #2 involves HOW THE CHURCH RELATES TO WIDOWS, (v. 3-16). Pastors must lead the church to care for widows. These have the special attention of God’s affection and woe to the church that neglects them!  James said that the essence of pure religion is to care for widows, (James 1:27). While it is the responsibility of family members to care for them first—the church ministers to those without family to help them, (v. 4, 8, 16). 

These widows are qualified for church support because of their godly character, (v. 3-8). They also were designated for care due to their biological age—above 60, (v. 9). Then, they must have “a reputation for good works,” (v. 10). 

Younger widows were to remarry, (v. 11-15). The sexual desire in a younger widow would tend to lead to immoral behavior, unless properly fulfilled in marriage. They are still of child-bearing age, and their potential for Kingdom impact through producing godly offspring is vital for the church’s flourishing.

Rule #3 instructs HOW THE MEMBERS ARE TO RELATE TO ELDERS, (v. 17-25). How a church treats its pastors will be crucial in whether God blesses the church. 

There is a word about compensation for the elders, (v. 17-18).  You cannot pay a preacher for what he’s worth—no way you could afford him!  He deals with eternal souls. How much value would you assign to those?  Instead of paying him for a job, we enable him to do his job. By adequate compensation, he is freed to concentrate on his task, knowing the needs of his family are supplied. Double honor is due those pastors who do well. But, what about those who do not?

There is a process for charges against an elder, (v. 19-20). If an elder does not do his duty and compromises his integrity, he is to be confronted. But, it must be done through the process God has established. It requires specificity of the charges and multiplicity of the witnesses. Someone always has an axe to grind. No preacher is immune from accusations and the Devil will raise up false witnesses to divide a church and destroy a ministry. So, this is not to be a private, “whisper campaign.”  It is to be a public rebuke when required. 

There is a demand for character in the elders, (v. 21-25). How a church relates to God’s man is done in light of God’s scrutiny, (v. 21) and is to be done without prejudging or partiality. The God who will judge angels will judge churches and elders someday, so we are to judge righteously. 

One of the reasons  men fail in ministry is that they have been prematurely selected for service, (v. 22). A pastoral candidate must be thoroughly vetted. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Timothy, as a pastor, would help lead the church in ordaining men to ministry. He is to be thorough and unyielding in Scriptural standards for the elders, (cf. 1 Tim. 3:1-7). 

Self-control is important for an elder, but Timothy may have been excessive in his own life, (v. 23). He was so scrupulous that he would not drink a drop of wine, yet the unclean water he was consuming was making him sick and hindering his ability to serve. To mix in some wine would purify the water while not making intoxication likely. Before a contemporary pastor embraces this as an excuse to have a beer, glass of wine, or shot of whiskey, understand that obtaining clean water is not typically an issue in our culture. So, have a glass of sweet tea instead!  Should you be in a place where the water is tainted—then Paul’s counsel is wise, so “Don’t get your bowels in an uproar!”

Ultimately, God will judge the elders—either now or in eternity, (v. 24). He will reward us for good works now, or later, (v. 25). What a difference it makes when the elders realize God is watching!  It checks us before we yield to temptation and encourages to serve Him when no one else takes note.

THE STANDARD FOR SHEPHERDS

When Paul summons the Ephesian elders, the message he has for them sets the standard for those who are called to shepherd God’s flock. His model for God’s shepherds matched his message to them. The portion of the passage we will focus on is Acts 20:26-28. 

Paul spoke of having A CLEAR CONSCIENCE. “Therefore I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all men,” (v. 26). Doubtless, Paul was reflecting on the words found in Ezekiel’s prophecy, where God’s man is portrayed as a watchman on the wall, (cf. Ezek. 3:16-21; 33:1-11). If the watchman fails to warn the people of the enemy’s attack, then the blood of those who perish is on the hands of the watchman. People hopefully will heed the warning, but if they do not, then we are not responsible. We have done our duty. Our hands are not stained with blood. Our conscience is clear.  

Paul presented A COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNICATION. “For I have not shunned to declare to you the whole counsel of God,” (v. 27). It is easy to “cherry pick” texts that will gain you approval and applause. The temptation is to avoid the tough words that will convict of sin and may arouse criticism. Everyone enjoys sermons about salvation and heaven—sermons on sin and hell, not so much. It is also possible to fail at the opposite end of the spectrum in having a pet doctrine or particular sin that we pound on repeatedly to the neglect of other truths. Our task is to preach the Word comprehensively.  There are certainly occasions where a topical sermon may be preached—as long as the texts are not taken out of context. We may be led to preach expository sermons on a particular theme for several Sundays. The pattern that best assures a comprehensive communication is to take a Bible book and preach through it. The sheep need a balanced diet.

Paul concluded with A COMPELLING CHARGE, “Therefore take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood,” (v. 28).  The impact of men who preceded me in ministry has been indispensable in shaping me. The charge they have given me still burns in my heart and compels me to faithfulness. As an Olympic torch is passed from one runner to the next, so the torch of truth has been handed to me. Now, as I near the end of my leg of that race, I must pass it on to the next generation. To use Paul’s analogy here, he is handing off the shepherd’s staff to the next generation of shepherds. He gives them a compelling charge. I submit that our task as faithful shepherds is to raise up those who will replace us. Who are you mentoring in ministry?

THE POWER OF PARTNERSHIP

There are two primary offices in the New Testament church: elders and deacons. Paul lists the qualifications in 1 Timothy 3, where we see that in terms of character, they are basically the same, with only the matter of capacity being the difference. The elder must be a capable communicator. The elders are shepherds of the flock and the deacons are servants of the church. Although the title “deacon” is not used in Acts 6, it is clear that the godly men, full of faith and the Holy Spirit, were the prototype of what deacons are. 

There was A PROBLEM, (v. 1). Their selection was motivated by a problem that had arisen in the church. 

There was a conflict that needed to be settled. Imagine that!  The church is in its infancy and already there is conflict. That needed to be nipped in the bud. 

There was A PRIORITY, (v. 2). What did the church do?  They dumped it in the preachers’ laps!  They knew that to be diverted to this issue would distract them from their priority of praying and preaching. 

There was A PROPOSAL, (v. 3-6). The elders cannot do all the work. They need partners and we see that deacons can be the servants required. 

There was A PRODUCTIVITY, (v. 7). The problem was solved and even better there was exponential growth that resulted. 

This is the power of partnership. Blessed is the church where elders and deacons devote themselves to their priorities and work in harmony to see Kingdom progress!

MODELS IN MINISTRY

 

John writes as an elder (v.1). Doubtless, he is that in age, but he is also that in leadership. He is a spiritual father to God’s people. His desire is for the prosperity of the flock (v.2). He is especially thrilled when the church is walking in the truth (v.3-4). He affords an excellent model for ministry.

John begins with COMMENDATION. 

This letter is directed to his beloved Gaius—Gaius the Generous (v.5-8). This man loved the Lord and loved people—and put his money where his mouth was. In particular, he supported the missionaries and evangelists who came through on their journey. Jesus gave us one mission—the Great Commission, as we call it. We should imitate Gaius in giving to get the Gospel out.

John also commends Demetrius (v.12). I call him Demetrius the Devout. His devotion to Christ was a compelling example for all.  When you took the plumb line of truth and held it up beside him, he was in alignment with God’s Word. He sets a standard for us to follow.

Yet, John also brings CONFRONTATION.  There is another man in the church that needed to be confronted for his wickedness. I refer to him as Diotrephes the Dictator (v.9-10). His ego was extraordinary. He was a church boss—and for him it was, “My way or the highway.”  You groveled before him or you were driven out of the church. His works were diabolical and his words were demonic.  God calls us to lead the sheep and not drive them as cattle.

There was more that John might have said (v.13-14), but this is enough for now. Here is the bottom line, “Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God.” (v.11).  

An elder of the church should follow John’s pattern—commending the good and confronting the bad—fearless in our stand for the truth. We should exemplify generosity and devotion as Gaius and Demetrius.  The sad reality is that some church leaders have a swollen head and shrunken heart like Diotrephes. In that case, one should check their spiritual birth certificate. What model for ministry will we follow?

ELDERS WHO ENABLE THE CHURCH TO EXCEL

A church cannot excel without elders. As long as we live in a fallen world, there will be a need in the church to, “set in order the things that are lacking,” as Paul puts it in Titus 1:5. It is the reason why Titus was placed in Crete—to “appoint elders in every city.”  John Maxwell’s axiom is true, “Everything rises and falls on leadership.”

Over time, I have left my traditional understanding of a church with a single elder (pastor) to embrace what I consider a more truthful interpretation of a plurality of elders.  Notice that Paul uses the plural here—and we find it in other texts as well.  There is a strength that comes from the varied gifts, mutual encouragement, and joint accountability that comes from a group of elders which benefits the church more than a single pastor can.

The bar is set high in qualifying to serve as elders—as it should be. Some of the qualifications are stated in the positive and others in the negative in Titus 1:5-9.

HEALTHY TRAITS EMBRACED BY THE ELDERS.  There are six areas where positive traits need to be embraced for the health of the elder and the church.

Elders must be morally uptight in public demonstration.  The word, “blameless,” is used twice here. This does not mean we will be sinless, or none of us would qualify. It does mean that there is no scandalous sin in public life that would sully our reputation and dishonor our Lord and His church.

Elders must be faithfully devoted to family direction.  They are faithful in loving their wife, “the husband of one wife,” and devoted in leading their children, “having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.”  The home is life’s leadership laboratory. Shepherd our family prepares us for shepherding God’s flock.

Elders must be sacrifically surrendered  to church demands, “as a steward of God.”  There are three primary areas of stewardship: our time, our talent, and our treasure. In each of these it will require a sacrifice of what we desire for what the church demands.

Elders must be compassionately minded in community devotion.  We are, “hospitable.”  The home is open as a Gospel lighthouse to our neighbors who are lost. Our arms are open to comfort those who are hurting. Our guidance is given to those seeking counsel. Our table is shared with those who are hungry. People know that a knock on our door will find one offering hope and help on the other side.

Elders must be seriously focused in personal discipline.  Several terms describe this, “a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled.”  In his heart he loves what is right, as “a lover of what is good.” In his head he concentrates on thinking right being “sober-minded.”  With his hands he is compelled to do right as one who is “just, holy, self-controlled.”

Elders must be steadfastly true to Bible doctrine, “holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.”  He is a student of the Word. You cannot speak the truth and be a steward of the truth, if you do not study the truth. He is a speaker of the Word.  He wields the double-edged sword of the Spirit, in a manner that sometimes challenges with exhortation and at other times, confronts with conviction. 

HARMFUL TRAITS EXCLUDED FROM THE ELDERS.  There are five, “no nos” that are harmful to the elder and the church.

There must be no prideful insubordination, “not self-willed.”  This is the spirit of rebellion that turned an angel into the devil.

There must be no carnal agitation, “not quick-tempered.”  This is a fire that will ignite words you cannot retract and works you cannot remove, with the potential to burn the church down!

There must be no habitual intoxication, “not given to wine.”  You must be controlled by the Spirit of God and not the spirits of alcohol.

There must be no harmful instigation, “not violent.”  It is the fury that produced the first murder when Cain killed his own brother, Abel.

There must be no material infatuation, “not greedy for money.”  It is not so much a matter of the amount in your bank, but the attitude in your heart. A rich man may be generous and a poor man may be greedy, but the danger is in living for the material and not the eternal.

These are not suggestions, but qualifications. We may not always get it right, but there is no excuse for not aiming at the bull’s eye, so that even if you don’t hit it every time, you will at least be close.

ELDERS: SHEPHERDING THE FLOCK

Paul had assigned Titus to a tough congregation in Crete (v.12-13).  The ministry there was a mess, and he was to “set in order the things that are lacking.”  Order was to be brought out of chaos, and elders were key to it.  

No church can rise beyond the level of its leaders.  There are three primary Greek words for those in spiritual authority:

• Elder—presbuteros (Titus 1:5, 1 Tim.5:17).  When we think of the word, “elder,” we usually think of someone who is old—and often the leaders in the church would be those who were wiser and more experienced.  It is spiritual maturity, however, that is essential. That doesn’t always follow chronological age.  Timothy was a young man, and yet capable of leading the church (1 Tim.4:12). We see that character is at the core (Titus 1:6-9). It is noted in 1 Tim.5:17 that elders are to “rule”—they lead with spiritual authority.  Their labor is in the word and doctrine.

• Bishop—episkopos (Titus 1:7, Heb.13:7,17).  It is obvious that we are taking about the same persons, just with a different description.  The bishop isn’t a different class of leader, but this is a different characteristic of the same leader. This stresses their oversight of the church.  In Heb.13:7 we note the church is to follow their message and model.  Our response to their guidance brings gladness or grief to the pastor, and in turn is to the church’s profit or poverty.  Follow your leaders if they are faithful.  Fire them if they are not.  What you don’t want is to fight with them over direction.  Such a spirit of strife will not bring God’s blessing.  Can you question, discuss, give opposing views?  Of course, but just to be a critic and complainer about everything is harmful to the progress of the church. If this is your default setting as a member then you are the one in the fault.

• Pastor—poimeen (Eph. 4:11; 1 Peter 5:1-4).  This is the Greek word for shepherd—shepherds lead, feed, and bleed for the flock.  Their motivation must be right (1 Pet.5:1-4).  In this, the pastor serves with delight and not mere duty.  He isn’t a professional doing a job, but a servant embracing a joy. We must never be motivated by money. There is no room for an ego-driven dictator.  We lead the people as sheep; we don’t drive them as cattle!  Our example makes our exposition effective—practicing what we preach.  There is great reward, yet that awaits heaven.  The pastor who is about finances and fame is a wolf in shepherd’s clothing.    

There is a danger—power can corrupt. A plurality of elders is what the New Testament teaches.  This affords a system of checks and balances.  We know many big name preachers who got into trouble, basically from a lack of accountability. The depravity of the human heart cannot be overstated.  I do not want or need unconditional control.  Yet, if the pastor is to be given responsibility, he must also be given authority—but, with proper accountability.

Elders in the church ought to include the vocational staff, but laymen can certainly be qualified to serve in that capacity as well.  Blessed is the church that has godly men to shepherd the flock!