RELATIONSHIP RULES

 

The church is all about relationships—our love relationship with our Father that establishes our love relationship with the family. The ministry of the church will progress or regress according to the quality of the relationships. Paul gives to Timothy and to us relationship rules in chapter 5. The key verse says, “In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality,” (v. ‭21‬‬). 

Rule #1 concerns HOW THE PASTORS RELATE TO MEMBERS, (v. 1-2).  The church is the family of God, and properly relating to each other is demanded. Pastors are to set the tone. 

Older men are to be encouraged as fathers. Timothy is told not to rebuke them. There is a high level of respect that is due them. The wisdom gained through the years by older men can be very helpful to a young pastor willing to listen. 

Younger men are to be viewed as brothers. A young pastor like Timothy is not to see them as rivals, but as peers. We should work alongside each other and support one another. 

Older women are to be honored as mothers. There is a tendency for some young men in ministry to be brash and think that time has passed the older generation by. A young pastor will find that these older godly women have powerful prayers and a measure of compassion that we desperately need.

Younger women are to be treated as sisters. The need for “purity,” is stressed by Paul. Many a preacher has disqualified himself for ministry by sexual sin with young women in the church. We are not to see them as sensual objects, but as spiritual sisters. 

Rule #2 involves HOW THE CHURCH RELATES TO WIDOWS, (v. 3-16). Pastors must lead the church to care for widows. These have the special attention of God’s affection and woe to the church that neglects them!  James said that the essence of pure religion is to care for widows, (James 1:27). While it is the responsibility of family members to care for them first—the church ministers to those without family to help them, (v. 4, 8, 16). 

These widows are qualified for church support because of their godly character, (v. 3-8). They also were designated for care due to their biological age—above 60, (v. 9). Then, they must have “a reputation for good works,” (v. 10). 

Younger widows were to remarry, (v. 11-15). The sexual desire in a younger widow would tend to lead to immoral behavior, unless properly fulfilled in marriage. They are still of child-bearing age, and their potential for Kingdom impact through producing godly offspring is vital for the church’s flourishing.

Rule #3 instructs HOW THE MEMBERS ARE TO RELATE TO ELDERS, (v. 17-25). How a church treats its pastors will be crucial in whether God blesses the church. 

There is a word about compensation for the elders, (v. 17-18).  You cannot pay a preacher for what he’s worth—no way you could afford him!  He deals with eternal souls. How much value would you assign to those?  Instead of paying him for a job, we enable him to do his job. By adequate compensation, he is freed to concentrate on his task, knowing the needs of his family are supplied. Double honor is due those pastors who do well. But, what about those who do not?

There is a process for charges against an elder, (v. 19-20). If an elder does not do his duty and compromises his integrity, he is to be confronted. But, it must be done through the process God has established. It requires specificity of the charges and multiplicity of the witnesses. Someone always has an axe to grind. No preacher is immune from accusations and the Devil will raise up false witnesses to divide a church and destroy a ministry. So, this is not to be a private, “whisper campaign.”  It is to be a public rebuke when required. 

There is a demand for character in the elders, (v. 21-25). How a church relates to God’s man is done in light of God’s scrutiny, (v. 21) and is to be done without prejudging or partiality. The God who will judge angels will judge churches and elders someday, so we are to judge righteously. 

One of the reasons  men fail in ministry is that they have been prematurely selected for service, (v. 22). A pastoral candidate must be thoroughly vetted. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Timothy, as a pastor, would help lead the church in ordaining men to ministry. He is to be thorough and unyielding in Scriptural standards for the elders, (cf. 1 Tim. 3:1-7). 

Self-control is important for an elder, but Timothy may have been excessive in his own life, (v. 23). He was so scrupulous that he would not drink a drop of wine, yet the unclean water he was consuming was making him sick and hindering his ability to serve. To mix in some wine would purify the water while not making intoxication likely. Before a contemporary pastor embraces this as an excuse to have a beer, glass of wine, or shot of whiskey, understand that obtaining clean water is not typically an issue in our culture. So, have a glass of sweet tea instead!  Should you be in a place where the water is tainted—then Paul’s counsel is wise, so “Don’t get your bowels in an uproar!”

Ultimately, God will judge the elders—either now or in eternity, (v. 24). He will reward us for good works now, or later, (v. 25). What a difference it makes when the elders realize God is watching!  It checks us before we yield to temptation and encourages to serve Him when no one else takes note.

THE WINDOW OF THE SOUL

When I was a child I learned a song in church that conveys a warning still applicable, “Be careful little eyes what you see…”. Is that not the same caution Jesus gives here?  “The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness.” (Luke‬ ‭11‬:‭34‬ ‭NKJV‬‬)

Think of the eye as the window of your soul. What you allow in shapes what you become—either light or darkness. Many of God’s men have been disqualified for ministry, caused many to stumble over their downfall, and given the enemy occasion to blaspheme, all because they looked too long, when they should have looked away!

I think of David, whose eyes should have been closed in sleep, looking at a woman bathing, and when enflamed with lust succumbed to adultery. The results were tragic. It is not unusual, sadly, to hear of a preacher whose ministry burns to the ground because he was, “looking for love in all the wrong places,” as the old country classic says. 

Then, there is the darkness that comes from the look of materialism. “Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world,” Paul spoke with heartbreak in 2 Timothy 4:10. The allure of this material world had captured the attention, and at last the affection, of Demas. If it is not sex, it may be money and power that the world offers which enter the eye and darken the soul with demonic force. While the lifestyle of the rich and famous is often connected to celebrity preachers, it is possible for a minister who may not have much to be mastered by covetousness for what he lacks that leads him to sell out for a lesser  amount. 

What do I say? “There but for the grace of God, go I!”  Had it not been for the Lord helping me, I could have done what David or Demas did. If you deny that possibility, you are setting yourself up for a fall. The reality is that in this fallen world, we cannot avoid, “seeing,” some things. You do not have to be searching for them, for Satan will see to it that Potiphar’s wife beckons you and reaches out to you, as she did to Joseph. 

How do we overcome?  How do we escape like Joseph did?  The godly Job said, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why should I then look upon a young woman?” (Job 31:1). There is a negative and positive side to this. 

First, the negative choice of denial: God has given you eyelids as shutters to close the windows!  These protect our eyesight physically, but they may also spiritually. Further, we have a neck that can swivel our head away from the seduction of temptation. We must purpose to look away. 

Second, and this is vital, the positive choice of delight: we not only covenant not to gaze upon darkness, but open the windows of our vision wide to the light!  The windows are there for a good reason.  We must look to the Light of the World, Jesus Christ, and in so doing be captivated by Him!  The old hymn states it:

    Turn your eyes upon Jesus
    Look full in his wonderful face
    And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
    In the light of his glory and grace.  (Helen Howarth Lemmel)

There is a covenant we must keep each morning with the dawn to look upon Jesus in the light of His Word. We must open the windows of our soul and let truth and beauty fill our soul with Gospel light!  

Recall how Jesus resisted the Tempter with, “It is written!”  His eye was full of light, so He rejected the appeal of the world in its lust of the flesh, (turn stones to bread), the lust of the eyes, (the kingdoms of the world), and the pride of life, (make a grand entrance by angel escort to the ground). The Last Adam succeeded where the first Adam fell. That first Adam looked upon forbidden fruit and salivated over it. He tasted it with hellish consequences. Where will you direct your eyes?

“How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. …Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You. …Open my eyes, that I may see Wondrous things from Your law. …Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, And revive me in Your way. …Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. …Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.” (Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭9,11,18,37,97,105‬‬).

David knew better. In the end he failed to apply what he taught.  Had he buried his face in the Scriptures that morning, he might not have been restlessly pacing the floor in dark of night—and we know the tragic result.

Be careful little eyes, what you see.

SANCTIFICATION AND SEXUALITY

One of the most powerful temptations that a pastor will face is in the area of sexual sin. It may invade our mind through pornography that is so readily available. It may infiltrate our heart through a counseling setting that leads from sympathy with a hurting woman to seduction in lusting for the woman to sin in adultery with the woman.  This is the sobering reality: if David—a man after God’s own heart—could fall so wretchedly, then none of us are immune from the possibility.  David brought down a giant with a slingshot, but fell to the beautiful form of a woman.

The temptation is strong, yet God is far stronger—if we rely on Him. That is it His will for us to be sanctified is not debatable.  Our body is not our own—to do with as we please. It is His—purchased by the precious blood of Christ.  You will by His grace overcome sexual sin or sexual sin will overcome you. Do not desecrate the temple of God’s Holy Spirit!

Though we must say, “No!” when faced with the enticement, that may not be sufficient in itself. The wording, “that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,” suggests having a practical strategy to win this war. For instance: never meet a woman for counseling alone behind closed doors; involve your wife in such counseling; limit the number of times you will have counseling sessions before referral to someone else. You dare not let an emotional bond form that takes one down the road toward a physical one. Have monitoring software on your mobile devices. Get accountability partners who will pray for you and have difficult conversations with you.  Flush your mind daily with the washing of water by the Word. Meditate on it, day and night, for it is the Spirit’s sword to slay lust!

Understand that you are defrauding your brother and defiling your sister. That is, you are taking that which belongs to another.  Many a man has seen his ministry taken away because he was swept away by sexual sin.  That woman is meant to be someone else’s wife, not your plaything. That young lady you are leering at is some man’s daughter. 

Our ultimate accountability, of course, is to God.  We will stand before Him some day and give answer. I will never forget what Stephen Olford said over forty years ago as I began my work for the Lord, “The secret sin on earth is an open scandal in heaven!”

The call to preach is a call to purity. Those who are heralds are to be holy.  May God give us grace to be holy men of God in this filthy world!