STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #38

“Walk slowly through the crowd.”  

I’ve always done that. When I heard John Maxwell first say that, my heart declared, “Amen!”  There is a tendency among some pastors to isolate themselves on Sunday morning from the people.  They want to shut themselves up to meditate on their message and that sounds so spiritual. But, people are our business. Sheep need to be fed, but they receive it best from the shepherd who walks among them, caring for them, listening to their concerns.  They seem more open to hearing the message from the pulpit after they hear the man as he engages them personally in the pew. Brothers, if you are not ready to preach your sermon by the time you arrive at the church building on Sunday morning, the extra hour will not likely help!  But, it can make a world of difference if spent with people—celebrating victories, offering encouragement, laughing with them and crying with them. 

I will confess that it can be easy to forget specific matters—someone who needs prayer, the time and date of an upcoming surgery, and so forth. That is particularly true as the church grows and so I found it helpful for my Administrative Assistant to walk with me, and make such notations as needed.

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #37

Know when to refer to a professional counselor. A broken world is filled with broken people. They are in our churches as well. Some who are very troubled will come to you and in compassion, and in your role as a pastor, you need to seek to help them. It is really part of the disciple-making process—to produce healthy saints requires facing what is making them sick and assisting them in getting well. Counseling is part of our task, and we need to work to enhance our knowledge and skill in this. Yet, we will at times encounter deep-seated and enduring issues with some that may be crippling and even life-threatening.  They may be at their wit’s end in dealing with this, and you find yourself in that state as well! It is a humbling thing to know that someone may be contemplating suicide and they have turned to you as the last resort.

Think of it this way. There is a doctor who is a general practitioner. He can handle many cases. He can help with overall health. But, there will be sicknesses that arise for which he needs to refer to a specialist for treatment. He has not failed, but is doing what is best for the patient. That is what a pastor is called to do.  You will counsel and you will help people become spiritually healthy.  Yet, there will be times to refer to a “specialist,”—someone who has the time and training to treat the debilitating emotional, relational, mental sickness. 

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #36

Don’t do weddings.  There is nothing in Scripture that compels you to do so. A civil servant can officiate a wedding. I always shock people when they ask me to do their ceremony, as I respond, “I don’t do weddings.”  There is usually an awkward silence. Then I add, “But, if you would like to have a Christian home, then I would be happy to talk to you about that!”

God has placed us in the church and in our community to help establish Christian homes. The premarital counseling and the ceremony can be foundational to that end. There is an initial form sent out that will direct the first session.  I require four sessions. There have been times that the initial meeting becomes an evangelistic one.  I have been thrilled to see some come to faith in Christ in this process. 

The wedding is not the end, but the beginning. After the “I do’s” are said, there are a lot of “I do’s” to be done. Plugging the couple into a Bible study class and/or marriage mentoring group is so helpful. Find some solid saints with healthy homes who can work with the newlyweds. 

The local church will only be as strong as the families that comprise the membership. This makes a pastor’s role in this process crucial. Take it seriously.

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #35

When a death comes to the church family—be there. The ministry of your presence is one of the chief means of comforting them. In the early days of my ministry, I thought I was there to say a lot of things—pious phrases and religious cliches—to defend God for why this tragedy had occurred. I quickly learned that God did not need defending and that I did not have all the answers.. Even more, their broken hearts were not ready to process theological truths. There were questions for which I did not have all the answers. I believe that God is omniscient, but I am not. A hug, a prayer, reading the Scripture, planning the funeral, mingling my tears with theirs. That is what people needed from me that I could give them. Job’s friends sat with him in silence after he experienced heartbreak after heartbreak. Then they began to talk and that is when they became “miserable comforters,” (Job 16:2).

STUFF I’VE LEARNED THAT SEMINARY DIDN’T TEACH ME #34

I first heard John Maxwell say, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”Everything is built upon relationships. Church is about people. Get out of the office and get into the field. Seek the lost sheep. Reclaim the straying ones. Lift up the weak ones. Visit the widows, the homebound, the sick, and the grieving. Touch the untouchable.  Wash some dirty feet. Then, you will be like Jesus!