I would be the next Billy Graham. My first church was a small country church with mostly senior adults, but from that pulpit would proceed widely published sermons and multitudes would stream down the aisle to give their lives to Christ. During that three years and six months, before I moved away from that congregation to an even smaller one, no film crews had come and I had not been invited to speak at the State Pastors’ Conference! That is not to say there were not any visible ministry results, but there were not many.
You may chide me for my honesty. You may say—that is an egotistical approach to ministry. They say, “Confession is good for the soul.” Yet, it can be bad for the reputation!
The truth is that frustration in serving God is a fact we must face.
The sermon you spent so much time on brings yawns instead of amens. The service you offer is not celebrated, but criticized. You prayed for growth in the flock, both spiritually and numerically and the results have been people leaving because they say they are “not being fed.” Sunday morning’s anticipation is supplanted by Monday morning’s depression.
I read about the author J. R. R. Tolkien facing his frustration that his dreams of being a celebrated author were not being attained. He expressed those feelings in writing a short story called, “Leaf by Niggle.” This helped me, and I pray it will encourage you.
Niggle spends his entire career attempting to create the mural about which he dreamed: a large, robust, colorful, and fruit-bearing tree that would inspire many. But in the end, the artist is only able to eke out a single leaf. After this, he dies. On the train to heaven, Niggle sees a vague yet familiar image in the distance. He asks the conductor to stop the train. He steps off the train and, as he approaches the object, discovers that it is a tree—his tree—complete and more lovely and fruitful than he ever hoped or imagined. And there, right in the middle of the tree, is his contribution—Niggle’s leaf for the whole world to see.
It is then that Niggle realizes that his little leaf is a part of something grand, a part of a Greater Work by a Greater Artist for the enjoyment and flourishing of a Greater and Everlasting City.
I’m told that Tolkien wrote “Leaf by Niggle” as a way of processing his feelings of anticlimax about another work that he had spent years of his life creating. He was convinced that this painstaking project would never be seen, enjoyed, or appreciated by anyone.
The name of this presumably insignificant work was Lord of the Rings.
Tolkien’s own story, and the short story that proceeded from it, compels us to again consider Paul and Isaiah. In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul quoted the prophet Isaiah, saying, “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).
[From Weakness to Strength: 8 Vulnerabilities That Can Bring Out the Best in Your Leadership, by Scott Sauls, pp. 103-104, Kindle edition]
Follow the Lord with faithfulness, even when you do not see fruitfulness. There is more than meets the eye, and only eternity will reveal fully how God was honored by your obedience though none in this world honored you. Some obscure preacher who served in some small places will be crowned and called to come to the front table and dine with the Master in glory!
It may be you.
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